The Heart That Beats for One's Humanity
by AndroidEvian
Summary: Shinichi's most disturbing dream as of late leads him to open up to Kana, and it suddenly becomes more sentimental a confession than he ever imagined.


Shinichi stared intently at his reflection. His eyes were empty, and tears stained his cheeks. He tried to wipe them, but his right arm wouldn't move. Neither arm moved as he issued the neurological command. But when he gave up trying, the left arm reached up and wiped his eyes. His right arm suddenly twitched. The veins bulged underneath his skin, and his left arm swung up, squeezing at the bicep to quarantine the veins swimming upwards. Horrorstruck, he realised why the veins were swimming up his arm. _These are... parasites._ He could feel them breaking through the barrier of his fingers, traveling up and crawling through the crevices of his brain. He screamed from the agony, brought to his knees and clutching the basin of the sink until the porcelain shatttered in his hands. He felt his facial expression changing against his will. He stood up, a genuine smile crossing his face in the mirror. The human, happy looking Shinichi was suddenly accompanied by Murano.

Her hands held his and their lips met. A distant sob entered his ears, and he recognised the voice as Kana's. His face deconstructed, slabs of meat as Murano closed her eyes, Shinichi's left hand pleasing her. His right arm squeezed her throat, gradually tighter until she fainted. The blade ended muscle of his face then cut her into pieces, and his mouth opened in preparation to consume the dead female like a fine dinner.

"Kana! Murano!" he cried, sitting up in bed, cold sweat drenching his skin and his breathing coming in harsh, frantic gasps for sweet oxygen.

"Shinichi." the parasite's voice was soft. "Calm down. It was only a nightmare." the host got up, standing on the balcony of his window.

"So you finally learned the term for a bad dream." he said, looking up at the stars.

"I came across it while conducting research on the causes and reasons behind disturbing dreams. Your sleep becomes quite restless at this time of night, so I decided to find the cause. By researching strained sleep, it led me to information of these unpleasant visions you have."

"Please don't call them visions. They already feel scarily real as it is." he murmured, trying to shake the thoughts from his mind.

"Go back to sleep, Shinichi, but I recommend you find a song to keep you safe tonight." _He really speaks with so much understanding now... this only adds truth to my dream, if it represented Miki taking my place as a human being._ Shinichi selected "The Art of Anesthesia," from his i-Pod, putting his earbuds in and closing his eyes. He drained his mind of all the thoughts, repeating the memorised lyrics in his mind. _Soon enough_ he continued thinking. _Miki will be asking me how it feels to sing a song that I can relate to._ The next morning, Shinichi woke up to the song still playing in his ears, i-Pod low on battery. He didn't feel like he was totally rested, but he felt better than he would have if he avoided sleep all night. Miki was sleeping. Sighing, he got up and showered, thoughts of the dream he had still on his mind. The water spiked down on his skin, a small comfort that shook him from the horrors of the night. But, his mind wouldn't be at peace until he had an answer.

 _It feels like I'm running... running from my feelings, running from my weaknesses, running from my fears. And it's all because I have Miki. It's because Miki has made me stronger, not a person, but as a lifeform. So why am I afraid he's taking on the humanity of my past self? I wanted to be strong, ever since I took the first punch to my cheek as a kid. Now that I am strong, I'm scared of myself. My father... he thinks I'm made of steel. But I'm not right? He's just made of an unguarded mind and a vulnerable heart. But still... I'm scared._

He threw on his uniform, taking a battery powered charger with him for his i-Pod. He just needed to quit thinking. If he could just stop thinking, he'd be fine. Walking to school, he was relieved to remember it was Friday. More fortunately, Kana tacklehugged him from behind, a nice surprise to rid him of his anxiety. She must have sensed something was haunting him, because she opened her mouth to speak.

"Shinichi-kun. Just now, your energy... it felt so clouded with apprehension. What's wrong?" He sighed as she took his hands in hers.

"I had a dream last night that shook me up. You remember when you said I'm not a hundred percent normal?"

"Ah... I'm sorry for that." she replied, remore audible in her soft voice.

"No, you were right. I feel so... empty. Like there's really something not human about me. In my dream, the part of me that isn't normal... it took my place as Izumi Shinichi. Kana," he was sobbing now, his heart tight. "I'm so afraid." he hated himself. He was afraid, terrified of his lack of feeling. He wanted to cry, but his mind was so frustratingly clam, unable to send the signal of tears to his eyes. His heart, so hideously tranquil in its steady beat. _I asked to be strong... I didn't ask to lose my humanity. Feel something. Feel something!_ Arms suddenly embraced him, warm, comforting. It was Kana, holding him. She was so quiet. Her breath synced up to his, their hearts beat together. Her humanity seemed to flow into him, tears gathering in the corner of his eyes. Rain began to fall, drops gathering in his hair and eyelashes.

"Shinichi-kun. When you said that you were afraid... you sounded so much like you wanted to die." Kana said, her voice barely above a whisper. "That emptiness... do I soothe it at all?" she was trying to keep from crying, he could tell, choking back the tears for his sake.

"Kana... when I kissed you at the cafe, I thought I wanted to because it would be a beautiful memory for me to hold onto. But now, with my tears finally releasing all the emotions I didn't know I was feeling. I, I..."

"I know, Shinichi. I love you too. A few nights ago, I had a dream about you. A dream so cliche, I knew I couldn't tell anyone. But I'm going to tell you. In my dream, you saved me from a bunch of those things that you fought when we left the cafe. You were my knight in shining armour, your arm, your sword, until you made it flesh again and held my cheek in your palm. Shinichi. We made love, and I woke up." she touched his face, wiping back the tears that were falling from his eyes, across his cheeks, and down his jaw. He smiled slightly.

"Kana. Arigato gosaimas. You love me... even though. Even though with my right arm, I'm the same as the parasite that attacked us that day." He choked on the words, sobbing as he admitted the similarity between him and the shook her head, putting a finger to his lips. She looked at him with more empathy that he'd ever witnessed in another person's eyes, opening her mouth to object.

"Chigau," she whispered, still shaking her head. "You're wrong. You're Izumi Shinichi. You're human." she cradled his cheek in her hand, smiling sweetly.

"Kana. I love you." he kissed her, full on the lips, holding her face in both his hands without hesitation.

Their tongues slowly met as their lips danced together. Shinichi stroked her neck with his right hand, while his left stroked her soft black hair through his fingers. Her right hand held the back of his head in her palm, sliding lower until it rested between his shoulderblades. Her left squeezed his shoulder affectionately, easing his tension. In their passion for each other, they walked to her house. It was empty of anyone but the two of them as they entered, reaching her bedroom. She sat in his lap, and she enjoyed Shinichi's arms around her as he slowly begin loving her. His steady, gentle thrusts accompanied by the kisses on her jaw and neck, leaving a faint strawberry mark on her collarbone. _My dream... its finally come true._

The two sighed in contentment as they finished, Shinichi tossing the condom in the trash and joining her, naked, beneath the covers. He held her, so close to himself, so protectively. He was grateful for her warmth. _She really is so, so beautiful._ he thought. _I hope you were able to this, Miki. She accepts both of us. I promise._ Kana and Shinichi spent the rest of the day together. They played in the rain at the park, dancing and just reveling in the joy of finding out that their feelings for each other were the same. They watched movies together, back at her house again, indulging in the cliche pleasure of a horror film and cuddling. At the end of the day, they made love again, listening to the sounds of the rain and fine sets of speakers playing their favourite piano pieces. He couldn't be happier. They finished as before, redressing, and walking outside to find a clear, wonderful rainbow as the clouds parted ways and sun shone in the sky.

"It really is lovely, isn't it, Shinichi-kun?" Kana said, reminding him of their day at the coffeeshop, the day he unknowingly began to love her.

"Ah. It really is, Kana. It's lovely, just like you." He held her as they watched the setting sun and the fading rainbow, the silent goodbye between them. Slowly, they retreated from each other's arms, hands sliding down from shoulderblades, biceps, forearms, wrists... until their fingers loosed from one another, Shinichi smiled, the curl in his lips never feeling more real.

"Sayonara, Kana-san." he said gently, taking his steps backwards down the sidewalk.

"Ja ne, Shinichi-kun." she replied, waving. Slowly, he turned his back to her, the heartbeat in his chest, not just at peace, beating for amory.


End file.
